June 9, 2020

13 Unexpected Side Effects of Motherhood

You sometimes (translated = ALL THE TIME) find yourself going to the bathroom with the door open, and you have absolutely no qualms about relieving yourself in front of anyone anymore.
You can carry on three simultaneous conversations while washing dishes, making dinner and planning out the next few steps on your conquest/world domination plan.
You sneak in a cat nap during every single movie you go to, even the ones with your kid (or kids). It doesn’t even matter if it’s the most stressful, intense movie that’s ever been made, either. If you’re in a dark room in the middle of the day, YOU WILL FALL ASLEEP.
You learn to accept that, on any given day and at any given time, you’re guaranteed to have some combination of dried crust on your clothes comprised of bits of snot, food or other bodily functions.
Speaking of bodily functions, you’re no longer grossed out by them. And yes, I’m talking about NUMBER TWO. 💩 One ceases to be disgusted by it after a baby goes through the “poop is so much fun to play with!” phase, or after the umpteenth time you’re forced to rescue a toy that has been gleefully dropped into a turd-filled toilet (and it’s ALWAYS filled with turds when this happens).